On Being a Pillow

On this beautious Sunday, the funniest thing happened; I was used as a pillow. :D In the best places of all on campus, the spacious McKay Auditorium (ok, I should have said the ice box, but whatever ;) ) is where my ward meets for sacrament meeting. I sat next to my friend, Nick Disney, mainly in order to throw off the passing of the sacrament because we sat in the middle with no one close to us. Well, that plan was ruined as soon as Vasu sat next to me, but hey, no one's perfect and neither are anyone's plans. After the sacrament was passed and the first speaker got up to speak, Nick slouched in his seat and slowly lowered his head to my shoulder. For those of you who don't know who Nick is, he's about 5'11" and I'm a whopping 5'3", quite the stretch for him. So, he slept, I listened to the next speaker while he was off in dreamland, and once we got close to the rest hymn, he awoke!

Some of you may be wondering, why did I type this story? Will it help the progression of my life and better it at the same time? Well, probably not but it's really funny. The best part came when I was standing around after church with Judge and Vasu waiting for Vanessa to finish in the bathroom. Apparently Vanessa thought that Nick and I were dating when she saw him put his head on my shoulder, which was funny because Judge shot that idea down because Nick and I aren't even close to dating; that I know of at least. Share your thoughts on being a pillow.

Song of the Day

"Bad Diary Days" by Pedro the Lion

Song of the Day

"A Perfect Sonnet" by Bright Eyes

Cleansing Rain

I cannot say what it is about rain that soothes my soul. The sound of falling rain on various objects (palm leaves and pavement outside my room window) is music to my ears. I find myself thinking of home whenever it rains here in Laie, and when I think of my home in Washington my heart aches a little more for evergreen trees, foggy mornings and my dog. How is it that something so common like rain can create such strong emotions in a person?

For me, I know that when I hear rain falling I know when the trade winds pick up here a smell of something cleaner and purer will fill my nostrils. Rain represents a cleansing process in life; one that occurs daily and sometimes many times a day. Especially here in Laie where the town lies in the shadow of the Ko'olau mountain range, rain comes plentiful as clouds try to rise above the Ko'olau boundary and release their contents on the lands of the Windward side of Oahu. Something about being clean and pure, or in this case smelling something clean and pure, brings peace to my soul.

Rain also represents loneliness. As I hear the rain falling, memories of friends from home and a different life, one that would never exist here, fill my mind. The pain slowly enters my heart as I realize that I cannot go back to those times in my mind where I could play for hours with friends in the rain and come home to warm clothes, blankets and hot cider. I cannot go back to cuddling with my cats on grey, dreary days while watching movies on my TV. The pain comes as I realize that for now, those memories cannot be relived. On these rainy days, I get wet, sometimes soaked, by myself in may instances, and there are no cats to cuddle with. I cannot fathom how the many IWES (International Work/Education Study) students on campus survive living away from home and all they know to be familiar for four years with just two weeks where they can return home or at least leave Oahu.

There is also something redeeming about rain. The idea that something dirty can be washed in the cleansing drops of water from the Heavens is not only appealing but wished for often. I think I wish for the cleansing of the rain most because I know I am a very imperfect person. Not only am I imperfect, I also have the capacity to do things that are stupid knowing that I am doing these stupid things. Expecting a confession from your friendly, neighborhood cowgirl? Well, think again because though I do frequently mess up and hurt other people's feelings, I do not use this blog to discuss those things. Being an imperfect person, I frequently forget about the verse in 2 Nephi 2:25 in the Book of Mormon (for you master scriptorians, you will know this verse well) where the Lord tells us that "... men are, that they might have joy."

If I know this, why do I allow myself to see the negative side of rain in addition to the positive side? The easy answer is the fact that in reality, because there will always be a positive and a negative, most people will see both sides. Ecologically, rain is essential to the perpetuation of life on this Earth. Personally, rain is essential to the perpetuation of my life because of the memories and thoughts that rain evokes in me. This is one of my treasures that is free to all who wish to snatch it up. Rain can seem depressing and gloomy, but there are also good things that come from it. Try to look at the bright side on rainy days. If you cannot see the bright side in the rain, wait for the rain to pass and look for the rainbow. :D

If you are looking for the complex answer, try again later when I am not trying to write three term papers which will add up to almost forty pages of typed work in addition to many more pages that have been written throughout the entire semester. Maybe next semester I will be able to explore the complex answer to why I allow myself to see both sides to life. Until then, I'm hitting the books.

Song of the Day

"All That I Am" by Jeddrah

Dreams That Make You Go... WHAT?!?

After a late night of helping Sarah write a paper that was due this morning at 8am, I floated off to sleep around 3:30am. Although I hate to think when she went to bed because when I laid down on my bed, she was still finishing up the paper. I drifted off to La-La Land,also known as deep sleep, when I came to the awareness of a dream. The setting of the dream was a resort in the mountains somewhere in the summertime. I was swimming around the lake with my niece when my friend and his parents walked out on one of the docks surrounding the lake. They call me over so I leave my niece with whomever she came to the lake with, and swam over thinking I'd have a pleasant chat with them. I always love catching up with old friends.

My friend, who's name is Peter, did not look so good however. Instead of being slim and very attractive, like he is in real life, he was pudgy, with long hair and just really unattractive for some reason. Out of the blue he said to me, "Why aren't you married yet? You need to get your priorities straightened out. Oh, by the way I'm getting married in four days."

Talk about depressing; I left Peter and his parents at the dock and wrapped up in a giant beach towel. While walking back to my cabin, I began to wonder if my life really was out of whack. I was so distraught in my dream that I ran to the nearest closet and just sat on the ground huddled in my towel sopping wet from the lake.

End dream.

I woke up from this dream more depressed than I would be if I had asked a guy out on a date and he stood me up. It shook me to the core of my being, yet I'm still happy. Only reflexive.

Windy with a Slight Chance of a Good Day

Ever have those days when no matter how hard you try, you just cannot complete the tasks you assigned yourself? Well, this was one of those days; not that it bothers me that much. The only thing that drug me down was the fact that I wanted to write a witty blog during the afternoon, and I came up with crap. So, instead of the crappy entry I had originally written, I just have these few sentences and a writing ability that I occasionally (for lack of a better word) donate to friends in order to help advance them in their classes. Anyone need a wanna-be English major for hire?

Song of the Day

"No Woman No Cry" by Ziggy Marley

The Day After...

So, those of you who have seen me today, have probably noticed the little black sticker on my collar. DON'T REMOVE IT!!! It's my symbol of mourning. Yes, I am mourning. This emotion happens every once in a while when someone you know dies. Shows how fragile and mortal we really are. I will miss the funeral because it will take place on Wednesday morning. As in birthdays, weddings and holidays, I will be there in spirit. Don't think I'm depressed about this because I really am not. My heart is hurting for her family though. After a phone call with my mom, I realized that many people have been impacted. The news has reached as far as Texas within the past few days. This is truly a new experience for me, yet I am glad I got to go through this. With time, thinking about this event will impact me less. Until then, I am now "Mourning Cowgirl."

In Memory Of... Tayauna Kathryn Price (1984-2004)

A chapter in my life has just ended. For the longest time, I've dodged the bullet of having a close friend pass away; I can't say that anymore. Earlier today, around 1:35 pm HST, my little sister, April, called me in tears and looking for comfort. Why you might think? Well, I found out that a girl in my home ward (church youth group) died after the driver of the car she was in fell asleep at the wheel of their car and getting into an accident. I don't know if I'm still in shock from hearing about this or if I'm okay with hearing it, but I don't feel tears welling up inside of me like I heard on the phone from my little sister earlier. It seems like the Lord is blessing me with comfort when He knew I'd need it. I'm also sure He's doing the same for April. I love her so much, and I love Tayauna. She was the Bishop's oldest and going to school in Utah. I will pray for her family that they might receive the comfort they need, and for all those who knew her and miss her already. Please do the same, right now my entire home ward is in mourning for her, and I am as well but I hope for the best and know the Lord is taking care of her.

The song I'm playing for her and her family: "I Will Remember You," by Sarah McLachlan.
Song of the Day cuz I say so.

If there are any mistakes on this entry, please let me know so i can fix them.

Song of the Day

Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm

Song of the Day (a day late)

Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones.

Men, Can't Live With Them, Who'd Want to Live Without Them?

There's nothing like having good conversations with guy friends. Lunch today was no exception. I was eating with Shem, Judge, Zack, Alice, Regina and another who's name no one could remember :(. We were discussing how sometimes, we get so lonely that we just want to hug someone of the opposite gender and never let go. Well, during this discussion, somehow the focus of the discussion turned to me. This shift of focus came as Shem was talking about how if you're not a guy who's a jerk, it's difficult to get dates with most girls yet the girls who are intelligent and cute (left-over), for the most part, are socially inept. I had to chime in and point out that there are girls who see the good guys and are intelligent and cute that remain dateless. Then the shift came and Shem said that I'll find some guy soon. Judge reinforced that comment with, "I'd vote for you." And Alice said, "I'd vote for you too." Blushing, stammering and flattered, I just sat in my chair unable to reply.

Talk about making your day. Then Zack talked about how if guys would just realize that there's nothing wrong with making embarassing comments in front of girls they'd be able to get the girls they want. All in all, I'm still crusin' on that compliment I got at lunch. I talked with Cori about it and she also said, "Mandy [this is how she spells my nickname], I'd vote for you too." She then went on talking about how I'll probably end up with this awesome guy in a relationship full of love and deep friendship. :D What more needs to be said?

Song of the Day

Steal My Kisses by Ben Harper

Classes... That's All

Ever go to one of those classes where the class diverges from the discussion of the day and never makes it back? Well, in my folklore and oral culture class, we read an article about feminism and folklore. Check it out if you have the time at here. Anyway, thinking back to the discussion we had always gets me giggling because for a while the men in the classroom were discussing whether or not mentioning feminism was empowering sexism. Finally, I had to raise my hand to try to add a woman's perspective to the mix. I really wish I had a tape recorder for class today it was that funny. Here are six or seven guys arguing over whether or not mentioning feminism would empower sexism.

My comment was that even though a school had a sign that said, "drug-free zone" it was implied that drugs were once there if not still there. The reason this sign is a good thing is that it is a start to help change the situation at this particular school. Well, after about five more minutes of this topic, Sara (pronounced "Sada") brought up Disney and the perpetuation of feminine subordination within the animated movies produced by Disney. Well, once I heard this, my neighbors and I began discussing some of what was going on in the class discussion (dominated by the men by the way... which I find hilarious). Finally, my professor turned to me, Ashlee and Hannah, calling us the "muskettes" and asked our opinion of what was going on. Hannah had a very good answer, and she pointed out how scary it was that this article hit so close to home for her as a woman. I agree which is why I added the link to the paper I had to read. If y'all decide you want to take the plunge and read the paper, let me know what you think.

Songs of the Day

A fun, random thing that adds a little glow in my life is the "song of the day." I don't remember the how or the why, but during a conversation I had with Judge one day, he started giving me songs of the day. For those of you who are patient enough, the songs he gives me are amazing and should be looked up on Yahoo launch. One song he gave me is "World on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan. The video speaks to the heart while the words of the song speak to the soul. Can you tell I'm an International Cultural Studies major? (if you knew that little detail about my life) ;) Well, this has turned into a great little tradition between myself and him. The song of the day for today is "Gun" by Uncle Lupelo. Haven't had the chance to listen to the song yet, unfortunately. If someone can find it for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. Also, I encourage all to check out the songs of the day that I get. They're great!

Discover Fisher.... Thanks Reed

So, I just barely put something up on this blog, yet here I am ready and rearing to put more up. For those of you who are female and have been in relationships, here's some therapy. Guys, and you know who you are, consider this a form of vindication for failed relationships. I am sure many if not most of you who are reading my blog right now, have never heard of the group Fisher. If that's the case, you are missing out on an amazing group with a lead singer who has a very soulful voice. The song that gets recognition from me is "Breakable" from the Great Expectations soundtrack. Women, time to take the [ex]boyfriend's mocassin's and wear them around a little. Again men, here's some vindication.

Breakable

Do you always have to tell him everything
On your mind?
You know that too much honesty can be
So unkind
And every time you throw him to the floor
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable?
You always try to find what's holding him
Away from you
But do you ever see your anger standing there
Right between you?
And every time you throw him to the wall
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable?
Tell the world that he's breaking your heart
Go tell the world nothing's ever your fault
Go tell them all
And every time you throw him to the floor
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable?
And every time you push him to the wall
Why are you surprised to see he's breakable?

Birth of New Obsession

I figure, why not? So, I have this need to express myself and allows others, friends and strangers included, to view and peak at the deep recesses of my mind to see what makes me tick. Well.... some things do cause me to get more worked up than others, but that's something that'll be revealed once this silly thing gets put into motion. Welcome one and all, to my new obsession.