Fighting Through Limbo
As some of you may know, I've been really struggling recently with trying to find new employment. I'm not unemployed because of my own doing, but I'm unemployed nonetheless. This has been one of my largest trials. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like no matter what I do, it's not good enough. I feel so frustrated that I can't get something no matter how hard I work for it. Depression seems to be knocking on my door, and I'm very tempted to let it in. I can't let that happen though. I've never been the kind of person who gives up without fighting as hard as she can. I'm ready to move on with things and possibly be *gasps* an adult.
This doesn't happen very often, my desire to adulthood, but strangely, I feel like I'm ready to be self-sufficient. I'm ready to begin to establish myself somewhere and be around people my age again. However, the key element that I've been neglecting for the past month is relying on the Lord in life. I've been relying on myself throughout all this job hunting and moving and transitioning. My mind wanders back to the life I left. It keeps reminding me that I left a place that I loved to come back to one that I hardly knew anymore. My body reminds me that I'm in a temperature that is no longer familiar.
I need to prove to myself that I can accept and deal with change. I need to prove to myself that I can beat whatever negative feelings creep into my mind due to my current circumstances. I know I have the strength and the faith to get through this time in my life. I know that the Lord won't leave me alone. I know that if something doesn't change soon, I might not be able to make it on my own strength of will much longer.
On a happier note, I have been loving every minute being back around my family. It's been a dream being around my nieces and nephews and siblings again. Even when the kids are being emotionally draining, I still love the experience. I can barely describe what it's like being around them. They have been a salve to my bruised soul, and I will always be grateful to them for it.
This doesn't happen very often, my desire to adulthood, but strangely, I feel like I'm ready to be self-sufficient. I'm ready to begin to establish myself somewhere and be around people my age again. However, the key element that I've been neglecting for the past month is relying on the Lord in life. I've been relying on myself throughout all this job hunting and moving and transitioning. My mind wanders back to the life I left. It keeps reminding me that I left a place that I loved to come back to one that I hardly knew anymore. My body reminds me that I'm in a temperature that is no longer familiar.
I need to prove to myself that I can accept and deal with change. I need to prove to myself that I can beat whatever negative feelings creep into my mind due to my current circumstances. I know I have the strength and the faith to get through this time in my life. I know that the Lord won't leave me alone. I know that if something doesn't change soon, I might not be able to make it on my own strength of will much longer.
On a happier note, I have been loving every minute being back around my family. It's been a dream being around my nieces and nephews and siblings again. Even when the kids are being emotionally draining, I still love the experience. I can barely describe what it's like being around them. They have been a salve to my bruised soul, and I will always be grateful to them for it.
posted by Amanda/Mandie at
9/26/2006 06:31:00 PM
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