Don't Mind Me

If I say...

Don't hold my hand,
It's not you, don't mind me.
Sometimes I'm anti-social;
It's not you, don't mind me.


I don't want to talk.
I don't want hugs.
I want solitude,
Not you.

Just don't mind me.

Days come and go
Nothing wrong.
Once or twice,
I need silence.
I need to be alone.

People bother me, even you.
Holder of my heart,
It's not you, don't mind me.

I'm not in the mood for kissing.
Not wanting to cuddle,
Talking is overrated.
Yet my heart aches.
Anti-social me comes and goes,

Don't worry, it's not you, it's me.

I don't want to hold hands.
I don't want to go out.
I don't want to watch a movie,
Oh, why can't you see?

It's not you, don't mind me.

Just listen to my plea,
Then maybe you'll see.
This is one of those days
Where everything seems dull and grey.

Always remember, it's not you
Now, don't mind me.

What I've Learned

Just recently, I've been reflecting on some of the things that I've learned in the past couple of years. These things encompass things that I've learned about myself, friendship, the Gospel, schooling, work and social interactions in general. They include learning about cultures and politics and love. I've learned the importance of "knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt." I've learned that sometimes people choose to fool themselves into thinking that bad things aren't as bad as we were taught. I've learned that friendships can span oceans, miles and heartaches. I've learned that love is the most selfless thing in the world, and anyone that tries to tell you otherwise is lying to you. I've learned the importance of studying things out for yourself and then completely disecting the conclusion you've come to in order to be 200% sure. I've learned about the importance of building relationships with people around you. I've learned about how to embrace difference and celebrate different. I've learned that language is only a barrier to great things in life and sometimes people who speak the same language cannot communicate with each other. I've learned that you can be cold while living on a tropical island. I've learned the importance of sharing deep thoughts with others. I've learned the importance of trust. I've learned that unique is wonderful and should be praised correctly (yes, I do mean correctly, and I hope you know what I mean).

I've learned that it is possible to create bonds with people who are very different from you. I've learned how to grow despite lacking some form of nutrition, physical and spiritual (not recommended ;) ). I've learned that there are many people who do not understand their divine potential and inheritance. I've learned that the human spirit and hope are almost stronger than love. I've learned that happiness is the best way to live your life. I've learned that caring for someone does not require a two-way road. I've learned that sometimes you have to back away from a promise in order to grow and be safe. I've learned that duping yourself can cause more harm than good. I've learned the importance of appreciating the world that has been created for me to live in. I've learned that "studying it out for myself" empowers me to learn for myself. I've learned the importance of cherishing other's opinions. I've learned that music is a powerful media for messages. I've learned that sometimes, you should listen to the apprehensions in your gut. I've learned that parting causes sweet sorrow and allows for growth. I've learned that I'm not the world's foremost expert on good, uplifting songs... I've just had a headstart and am starting to see many people catch up and surpass me. I've learned that going out on a limb is not always as scary as it first seems. I've learned that faith is great, but the key to faith is to start taking the steps necessary for blessings and guidance to come. I've learned that it is okay to show other people that you have weaknesses and that you are human. I've learned that asking for help does not make you seem weaker. I've learned that there are many forms of maintaining contact with people. I've learned that opportunity does not come free. I've learned that growing up is something that even elderly people have left to do. I've learned that risks are okay to take from time to time. I've learned that variation leads to a wider perspective. I've learned that the road to self-discovery is well travelled but poorly mapped out. I've learned that trust is a precious commodity. I've learned that sometimes it's okay to not like friends. I've learned that jokes are precision tools that must be used with great care and skill. I've learned that the love of a child is almost as pure as Heavenly Father's love for us. I've learned that memories and emotions have many ways to be captured. I've learned the importance of accepting failure instead of trying to deflect the failure.

I've learned that writing blogs help others maintain contact with you. I've learned that the ocean is a good and bad thing. I've learned that ignorance usually is bliss, but it can also lead to stupidity and hurt. I've learned that there is a time for all things in life. I've learned that differences in language doesn't mean differences in hearts. I've learned that most people don't care about how you are doing when they ask; it's just become part of the ritual of greeting someone. I've learned that drinking water will make you a healthier person. I've learned that marriage status does not fully define a person. I've learned that laughter is one of the best ways to spend your time. I've learned that learning is life long and should never stop. I've learned that age is a number and unimportant. I've learned that stupidity comes in many forms, even courage. I've learned that people don't always know when they've bitten off more than they can chew until it's too late. I've learned that other people allow themselves to be influenced by their world around them. I've learned that it's okay if I can't stand on my own at times. I've learned that there are many ways to be healthy - appearance being one of the least of those ways. I've learned the importance of "the benefit of the doubt." I've learned that forgiveness is wonderful to experience when someone gives it to you. I've learned that sometimes you must work two jobs or more in life. I've learned that patience really is a virtue and must be practiced with care (trials are given liberally when asked for... believe me). I've learned about the importance of trying to see things from another person's point of view. I've learned that it is okay to analyze yourself as long as it isn't to find the negative things about yourself. I've learned that some days you've just got to dance and let go. I've learned that compliments are given in a genuine manner, and should be treated with respect and humility... but not in such a way that you make the compliment giver feel stupid for giving their compliment - just say thank you for it. I've learned that you don't always need to talk when you're around people. I've learned that talents are wonderful things that should be shared freely without thought of compensation or recognition. I've learned that sometimes, eating cookie dough really can make you happier.

I've learned that chick flicks can have substance and sometimes they're just stupid. I've learned how to appreciate how people interact in their worlds. I've learned the importance of receiving an education. I've learned that asking "why" is not a bad thing. I've learned that singing in the rain is a blast. I've learned that dreams are attainable, and the people who are active in the world are generally the dreamers who have their dreams come true. I've learned that people have funny things to talk about. I've learned that distractions aren't the worst thing in the world - they are tests to see how well you can maintain control on your thoughts and focus. I've learned that mind over matter works, but there are people who try to decry it. I've learned that happiness is a state of mind that you choose, and sometimes it's not always the easiest choice to make. I've learned that shouting "wahoo" is a fun way to celebrate things. I've learned that talents only take you so far, and the rest of the way comes from pushing through to the end. I've learned that writing about your life is important because memories fade and don't always work well. I've learned that caring can be shown in many forms. I've learned that simple things in life are important to enjoy. I've learned that giving in to someone else's wants is a good thing... usually. I've learned that meeting someone's family is exciting and scary at the same time. I've learned that pick-up sticks is a dangerous game when played with competitive people. I've learned that being repetitive won't always solidify something in your mind. I've learned that it's okay to act ridiculous. I've learned that learning is wonderful.

Bobbing in Waves

It has always amazed me when and where I receive inspiration. Friends, being one of the most important things in my life, usually help a lot in times when I need to receive inspiration. Well, Emo and I decided that yesterday would be a perfect beach day, and walked across the street from my house to Hukilau. We got in the water, I was a wuss, and we bobbed around in the waves for about an hour. In that hour, we covered a lot. We covered friends who are dating, me dating, her dating, Provo, futures, confusions, missions, and a whole lot of other topics that otherwise may not have been broached.

Waves attacked both of us as we bobbed and talked about life in general. Tough questions were asked and answered. Emo even picked up a crab!!!! She saved it from the rolling waves, only to scream and throw it back into the ocean. And she picked it up again and chased me with it. I was just thinking that I didn't want to get pinched, but hey... she can think what she wants. For some reason, she was in a curious mood, and tried to pick up a stick looking thing, only to feel something completely unstick-like, and screamed again. She thinks it was feces, but I think it was funny. At random points, she and I both got huge waves that crashed down upon us, but we didn't let that keep us from playing in the ocean. Toward the end of our stay however, my feet became numb. I figured that might not be a good thing, so I convinced her that it was time to go. We showered off and crossed the street to get to my house, and ate lunch.

Inspiration came in realizing some things about my life and the lives of those around me that I hadn't seen before. I love getting other people's points of view on life; it helps me better frame my point of view.

Yesterday was a great day.

Once in a Lifetime

For one lucky friend, the chance to win $450 worth of gift certificates from Walmart. For the other three, the privilage to pony up one $150 gift certificate to the winner.

This is a once in a lifetime race where heartache and trials are on the horizon.

The goal: be the first to give birth.

The contestants: Kelsey Olds, Elspeth Kuta, Rebecca Percy, Amanda Beard

~As a side note, we all decided that this would be a fun race. Of course you couldn't have a race without a prize, and all four of us agreed that we could give the winner a $150 gift certificate to Walmart. We realized that this would be a fun way to keep in touch through the next couple of years of people graduating, moving away and life in general happening. Yes, for those of you reading this post, it is a silly thing that we're racing toward, but hey, at least we aren't trying to lose our virginity first or something stupid like that. We just want birth first. =P I'm so gonna hear about that one, but it's okay. ^_^

Trying

Could you let your hair down
And be transparent for a while
Just a little while
See if you're human after all
Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out
I may be the first to say that I don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
And God I pretend like I do just
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best way that I know how

Well I haven't memorized all the cute things to say
But I'm working on it
Maybe I'll master this art for today
I'll quote all the lines off the top of my head
And you'd be
I don't understand all of these things I've read
I'm just trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best way that I know how

Well I haven't drawn it or figured it out quite yet
But even if it takes my whole life
To get where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I'll be one step back to you
I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Oh, I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way

~Lifehouse (Song of the Day)

X

Ambiguous title... *gasps* Oh no, what's happening?

Well nothing really, just thought I'd stir things up a bit. So school on campus has finally started which means less time with friends. Kinda sad and kinda happy. Sad because I love my friends, they mean the world to me - they've become family out here. Happy because I can start doing more reading and game playing and all that jazz. Happy because I have the illusion of being able to get more sleep. Sleep is an illusion because I have housemates and sometimes they might be up late or whatever or I might just end up being out late with friends. I am quite excited for this time though. I actually got to sleep before midnight last night. =D Huge bonus. I feel so good and semi-refreshed. Yes, I still wish I were in bed right now, but that will pass. I'm prepping to put myself back onto a schedule too.

So I just wanted to type up a fun post for now. I'll do more later when my mind has finished it's daily morning defrosts.

Downpours and Confuzing Comics

So my Friday has already has it's fair share of excitement, and all before 9 am. On my bike ride to work I was passing the temple when I started to feel rain drops on my face, but it's okay because I had put my ipod in my bad in a brief moment of brilliance on my part before leaving my house. Well, I had gone halfway past the temple when the sky opened up and just released all of its pent up moisture... on me. As entertaining as this might have been on any other day and at any other time, on my way to work is not exactly my idea of enjoying a downpour. I had no choice as this point but to push onward toward work. It did not take much time for all of my clothes to get soaked. Though I was a little upset about this (I know me, the rain lover upset because of getting caught in the rain), I figured out how I could manage to not return home and completely change. I mean, I would be at work later than I normally am... people would wonder I'm sure. So, everything worked according to my brilliance but my shirt has mud on it now. :( So bummed. I have decided that I will take my lunch break time to go home, assuming it's not raining again, to change into something else.

Now onto the second part of my title... confuzing (yes, I know that the correct spelling is confusing, but hey... a girl's gotta be creative somehow... okay really just sound it out instead, outloud... those that know me will hopefully understand how that is said) comics is bred from my daily ritual of cruising the webcomics and online manga and whatnot, when all of a sudden, one of my all time favorite ones throws me for a loop. I've read the strip three times already today, and I still don't get it. Well okay, it's just barely past 9 am but still. I don't get it. Especially the last frame. So confuzed, but with Monday comes another strip and hopefully an explaination. :D Yes, I'm a geek, and I don't care who knows. I mean, my life is kind of in a lull, so why can't I live vicariously through a webcomic that's completely fictional but brings a smile to my face everytime? Seriously, what better way to spend my time at work than to read and reread my online favorites?

Psych!!!! Fooled you didn't I? Oh well, at least the lull in my life part is real, but once school starts up I get the feeling that things will change for me quickly.