Song of the Day

"Mystery" by Brooke Fraser

Dueling Worlds

Looking around, she sees the same things and people that she has for years now. Thoughts and fantasies dance through her mind as she stockes the shelves in front of her. The occasional hello is murmured as she dances on the line between the real world and the one she created. The daily monotony melts away for her while dancing. The people and their impersonal greetings fall on deaf ears while the genuine images of her inner world create warmth. The grimness and false pretenses of her "real" life never fully touch her in this state. Her polyester shirt doesn't fit her wrong while she's in this place of comfort. Sweat doesn't roll down her back, nor do the nasty comments of customers who think she's owes them her world touch her. Rude co-workers and condesending managers don't treat her like scum. Debt and depression don't marr her conscious.

In her world, she is openly valued. In her world, she works out of love not obligation to the world's view of survival. Courtesy and kindness are the important attributes of a person not their looks and accomodating of others. The most beautiful thing in her world is the person's inner soul and spirit she sees. Their talents and emotions and thoughts paint breath taking pictures of greater quality than the greatest artist in the "real" world. Her hopes aren't dashed upon the rocky shores of nay-sayers in this realm within. Loneliness and sorrow fail to penetrate the thick walls that protect this inner world while she works on fine tuning the self she desires to see in the mirror. This workplace within has the safeguarding of friends and other loved ones that constantly encourage her to build herself up.

The dance of refining oneself is precarious and cumbersome. It is difficult to sift through the negative and positive to find the real truth. Filters for these things are created daily in order for people to gain the perspective they desire to see themselves in. At times, the more stubborn ones never give into the "real" world 's views of who and what they should be. Other times, the weaker ones succumb to the pressures of the "real" world and end up causing themselves misery and pain, and worse, sorrow in depression. The coldness of the "real" world leaves too many in it to lose true perspective and only see the carnival mirror images of themselves. The forge of life creates the world within us that is framed and founded on the love, kindness and friendship of others. One's true life is not the one where we allow ourselves to be bogged down by the negative forces swirlling around us daily. True life comes from within, and is reinforced daily by the caring of others. It is the armor that protects us from the customers who insist on being jerks. It is the boots that allow us to kick away the grimy filth of demeaning comments from others. It is the shades that keeps our vision from being blurred from the false light of "real" life. The true world comes from within each of us, and should never be found in neglect or disarray. Maintain it and nurture it until you feel strong enough to take on the "real" world and win. Maintain it to the point where you realize that the strongest element in both worlds is the faith in the One who loves us most.

Song of the Day

"Something More" by Sugarland.

Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standing still today
It's gonna make me late, and thats for sure
I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine

Chorus:
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more

Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before die

Repeat Chorus

Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best belive that I'm not gonna wait
'Cause there's gotta be something more

I get home 7:30 the house is dirt, but it can wait
Yeah, 'cause right now I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
but I ain't gonna answer thats for sure.
There's gotta be something more!

Deja Vu

I had the strongest feeling of deja vu just now, that I've ever had. One of my co-workers had to leave the office for about 5 minutes, and he told me that some people might come while he was gone. As strange as it is, when he told me that he'd be leaving, I looked up at my computer screen and felt that I had done that before. In fact, I almost felt like I should have been pregnant. I think I dreamed that situation once a while back. Very strange. Shadows and impressions telling and showing me things I have no real business knowing about right now. I have always been an advocate of dreamers and those who see visions. Even now, I feel as if I should have a little one growing within me. I have always figured that the more deja vu's I experience, I must be on the right path toward something. Deja vu, in my opinion, is a weakening of the veil, a way for Heavenly Father to let us know that we're doing something right and good. A way for Him to tell/show us that He approves.

I know what some of you may be thinking, and NO! I'm not pregnant. There isn't anything I should share with you, my friends, that I haven't already. My weekend job has not caused any temporal affects. =P

Double Deuce

Well, I've hit another day of birth on another year. This year's birthday day has been extremely memorable. I had a super busy day at work, filled with interviews, teleprompting and a tasty luncheon. The night was incredible. My friends out here threw me the coolest birthday bash. Met a couple of really cool people at that bash. Had some awesome pictures taken, and just felt full for the first time in a long time. I was treated wonderfully by my co-workers/friends and my other friends. I could really feel the love they feel toward me on that day. Thinking about some of the things people said to me really warms my heart. I have a co-worker who loves my crooked smile (bane of my existence), and I have other friends who consistantly point out my beauty (yes, I'm really that thick and stupid to think otherwise). Now, as my best friend put it perfectly, I'm double deuce. What that means, only this upcoming year will tell. In the end, I have a world in front of me, an amazing heritage behind me, and many, many unwritten pages left to fill with my thoughts, ideas, memories, emotions, photos, and people I meet along life's path.

BitterSweet.... or SweetTart?

The coolest thing happened to me today. I decided I probably should take a look at plane tickets home today seeing as how I want to go home for Christmas, and I can afford it. So I tried Yahoo!Travel which wasn't cooperating with me at all. Jerks! And then I tried Hotwire. Well, to my surprise, I found a ticket on Hotwire for $419 roundtrip!!!!! Dude, that's $200 cheaper than the cheapest tickets I was looking at a month or so ago. I'm so excited!!!! I then decided that I would surprise my parents by telling them one date, a couple of days later, and then miraculously being there early. :D This will so rock! I've always wanted to surprise them this way but have never been able to until now. So that's the sweet part of this day.

The bitter part is having Gummie Bear leave this evening, and I can't see him off because I work this evening at Domino's. Probably the only time that I'll ever be pissed off because I have this second job of mine. I was really bummed last Friday when he told me that he was leaving perminantly. I mean, crying and boo-hooing sad. I'll really miss him. My one real male contact for affection and cuddles who doesn't look deeper than friendly affection. Well, the grindstone is rattling my chain telling me to get back to work.

Is this day bittersweet or sweettart? Ask me in December after I've returned from being home for Christmas. ;)

Song of the Day

"Collide" by Howie Day

Doing the Unusual Again

Well, I once again did it... I sought out a guy to ask on a date. I don't really like the nervous butterflies that choak me as I try to get words out while on the phone. The apprehension of hearing the reply, even the apprehension of just waiting to hear if someone is going to pick up on the other line. It's always worse when you know the person. For some strange reason it is. Yes though, I am a forward thinking girl in that I'm willing to ask a guy out on a date. It's frustrating though to have no's left and right. Of course, the dumbest thing is when I kind of shove the responsibility of planning something for my benefit onto someone else. That's idiocy and just down right inconsiderate. I'm an idiot. Man, I so want to date though. I enjoy having fun on dates and whatnot. This sucks. Well, back to the abyss for me. I'll resurface sometime again for dating purposes I'm sure. One of these days........

A Thought Born of Isolation

How can you capture a dream?

Simply Put....

Memories alway stir up forgotten or surpressed emotions and thoughts.