Breaking My Cardinal Rule of Blogging... and I'm Okay
Well... here goes my breaking and compromising the integrity of my blogging lifespan. Fei... for this, you have helped me to realize that there's nothing wrong with expressing my thoughts about personal things. Your repeated entries about your life, and the fact that you do not seem phased by people being able to read your thoughts about life have helped me come to this conclusion. I want people's opinions on this situation:
There is a guy at home waiting for me... and we are official. :D Am I happy? So much so that I couldn't focus in my classes yesterday so I ditched the afternoon ones. *sighs* This is the thing that supposed to cause great happiness in me right?? Having a boyfriend... Right? Someone... anyone... What is holding me back from sreaming at the top of my lungs that I have a boyfriend? I am so thrilled that we are now official and I no longer feel pressure on my chest whenever we chat online or on the phone. My heart now feels more confused than I ever thought possible. Why you might be thinking? There is nothing in the lease bit wrong with him, in fact he's practically perfect. Just awesome and amazing.... but I still find myself holding back.
One opinion is that I have never really been in a relationship like this which is fully the truth. What comes with that inexperience is the hesitating thoughts that I don't know what it means to be a girlfriend; for I do not have a clue. *shakes head* Why do I hesitate from one of the best things to come into my life?
Oh man... when did I fall????
There is a guy at home waiting for me... and we are official. :D Am I happy? So much so that I couldn't focus in my classes yesterday so I ditched the afternoon ones. *sighs* This is the thing that supposed to cause great happiness in me right?? Having a boyfriend... Right? Someone... anyone... What is holding me back from sreaming at the top of my lungs that I have a boyfriend? I am so thrilled that we are now official and I no longer feel pressure on my chest whenever we chat online or on the phone. My heart now feels more confused than I ever thought possible. Why you might be thinking? There is nothing in the lease bit wrong with him, in fact he's practically perfect. Just awesome and amazing.... but I still find myself holding back.
One opinion is that I have never really been in a relationship like this which is fully the truth. What comes with that inexperience is the hesitating thoughts that I don't know what it means to be a girlfriend; for I do not have a clue. *shakes head* Why do I hesitate from one of the best things to come into my life?
Oh man... when did I fall????
posted by Amanda/Mandie at
2/05/2005 05:10:00 PM
4 Comments:
Firstly, congratulations. I hope someday (after my mission of course) I can feel the way you feel now.
If you really want to scream out that you have a boyfriend (and you don't want to creep everyone around you out) go into an empty field and yell at the top of your lungs. Even if someone does hear you, then who cares? What are they going to do about it? They'll just think you're wierd, and you are, so there is nothing wrong with that =P.
I don't know what it means to be a girlfriend (thank goodness) and I've never had one so I don't know what exactly their role is. But, other than the hanging out together (which is hard to do in long-distance relationships, unless you count phone and chat time) I would want someone who could tell me the truth, about their life, about how they felt about things, even if it meant being brutally honest sometimes. And also someone who not only listened to me, but was genuinely interested in what I had to say. Someone who was dependable, and... well yeah the list could get long so I'll stop.
Anyways, most important questions:
What's his name?
Where's his picture?
And Stuff,
~Vasu~
By
Vasu Chetty, at 8:54 PM
You know, feeling doubtful / having second thoughts right after making it official isn't uncommon. Actually, I had the exact same reaction just recently, which is why I am still remaining technically unofficial.
Part of this confusion could be because he is so far away, it's really confusing trying to figure out what being official entails. It makes it harder when he is not there to give you constant physical reassurance.
Add that to the fact that being in a relationship is a whole new ball game, it takes a little getting used to.
Don't be hard on yourself for having negative feelings. It's natural, and they often go away. And I figure, if it doesn't, then I shouldn't be forcing the issue, but at least I'll give it some time to find out where those feelings come from first.
By
Fei, at 11:22 AM
:)... thanks for your comments. I'm really doing better now. The suggestions have been awesome, and really gave me something to mull over as I go throughout my day. All comments are welcome by the by.
Vasu, his name is Alan, and I do have a pic, just not a decent one yet. ^^; My favorite one of Alan is a really silly looking one that doesn't do him justice. Also, your list is an awesome one. Sums things up nicely.
Fei, thank you. It's good to hear that I'm not mental. I haven't really been able to bounce this thing off of anyone yet. Alan is... well Alan. He's great, but not female nor someone who isn't involved in the situation. I have talked with him about my initial insecurity, but things are good now.
Time for me to find an empty field... or the point works I guess, to scream out that I have a boyfriend. :D
By
Amanda/Mandie, at 4:45 PM
Yea!! shout it out Mandie. hehe
By
E.Marie, at 9:01 AM
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