Triumph Over Fear

One of the hardest things that I deal with in my life is fear. The fear that has a scarily powerful grip on my soul is acrophobia (fear of heights). Often I can swallow this fear and continue on with my life and be happy. There are the occasions when its grasp on my mind is such that I begin to succumb to this debilitating and irrational fear. Adrenaline kicks in and causes my body to slip further from my control. Why do I write this? Because I have won another tiny skirmish against this power that takes control when I least want it to.

This tiny skirmish was a night repelling trip. Though the cliff was maybe twenty feet tall, when I reached the top and was ready to walk over the edge, I lost control and struggled with willing my feet to continue their movement toward the edge. Acrophobia's logic took command of my mind as I was looking down for a place to put my feet, and my mind screamed that it was illogical for me to be able to walk down this wall. Pictures entered my mind of my body being perpendicular to the wall, straightly so, as I attempted the quick descent. This terrified me further.

As I was going through this mental battle, I had the support of those who came on the trip. Cheers rose up from the sand as the time elapsed and the minutes raced away from me. I found a ledge about three feet below the top of the cliff, and decided that I needed to test the harness and rope to that ledge. When I did, I not-so gracefully landed on that ledge safely. The next step was one into darkness and off that last ledge. A final deep breath and some wonderul words of encouragement from Judge, I walked off. To my amazement, I was fine. This amazement came from the messed up logic of being an acrophobe. Deep down, I knew and trusted Judge that everything would be alright and the rope and harness would hold me, but on the surface, I was battling for control while the fear had this control. Though other than my own experiences with my fear, I do not know much of the psychology of fear, I know that it truly is powerful and something that can so completely cause one to lose control.

I descended safely and to cheers of my triumph. My heart was cheering along with my friends. A smile spread across my face as I realized that I came out the champ of that battle. Though I hate to admit it, I do have this fear, and it does have the power to take control of mind still. These little battles are what help me to realize that I do not have to succome to the logic of acrophobia. Life is filled with little battles that, if won, help us to realize the amount of power and control we have in our lives. I thank Heavenly Father so much for blessing me with listening to Judge and his encouraging when I needed. It was as if Judge was holding my hand all the way down, and I am grateful for that. Though I cannot promise the next time I go repelling I will be able to keep my fear locked away, I know that I can think of this victory and realize that I have the power in me to overcome this fear. It is this knowledge that will empower me the next time, and as I said, I am grateful for it.