Pensive

I am finding, in myself, a tendency to want to turn off my heart. I see and hear people around me who have successfully turned their's off, and I figure, what harm could it cause me? In my mind, I see myself saying fewer stupid things, being less melancholy, and more willing to do whatever. I say to myself, "Self, if I find the off button to my heart or get it enrolled in an exchange program, I can begin the long diagnosis process and assess where I'm at in relation to life."

In saying this to Self, I've realized a couple of things that I should be wary of, mainly apathy that could result from the impending removal/shut down of my heart. Something in the back of my head whispers, if I let go of my heart, let it run free and wild somewhere that's not near me, I could lose something vital to me. Would I still see the world in techni-color without my heart? Would I still revel in people watching without my heart beating away, helping me make up the conversations that people could be having? Without my heart, could I maintain and cultivate the love that I have for those closest to me?

These are all questions that have tried to run their course through my mind as I've contemplated shutting down this vital system to my soul. There are reservations that have kept me from doing the final checklist before shut down, but I have yet to place my finger on them. So until then, if I seem to be crazier than normal, please forgive me, I shall be sure to contact the Emergency Broadcast Station, and let them know to send out signals far and wide so that people are aware of this crazy.