Betrayal

How many times will I do this to her? I feel awful every single time, and after the previous time, I think that this time I won't hurt her like I did before. I still do. Once again, instead of just being the bigger person and telling her to go have fun, I become petulant and feel left out. Each time I tell myself that I need to stop. I pray hard in order to help change to happen. I hurt her again this afternoon. The stupid me that I am. I was doing so well too. She'll let it go I hope. Somehow, I've become way too attached to her; it's weird. Uncomfortable too. Maybe I'm just misreading myself completely, and it's just me being overwhelmingly happy for her. I totally am too. I need to stop pinch-hitting in the emotional box. It's gonna kill our friendship before too long. I can see it in her eyes.